kinda hiding

I haven't been here in a very very long time. I have posted mostly on homeschoolblogger.com/sillysiller but now I am going to post here. Main reason is that I need a little more privacy from family members. Just a little because I am sure they will find me here before long.
Christmas just passed and I am totally unsure how to feel.
If you go to my other blog you can read about my reunion with my biofamily so I will not go into it here very much.
Needless to say Christmas is hard sometimes. I either block everything out or dwell on everything adoption related...this year I did both...block a little and dwell a little.
One big dwell...NO ONE from my bio family called me except one brother (well two but one is not bio). No mother, no father, not sisters not other brothers...NO ONE.
Granted I didn't call anyone either. First excuse, my cell phone ran out of minutes (thanks daughter) second excuse, home phone was occupied most of the day with calls for my kids.
Regardless, the point is I didn't make an effort and neither did they. Point is..par for the course.
My first mother called me today, with her batch of excuse for why she didn't call..then the guilt trip about how NONE of her bio kids (ok she said her kids, might include me...might not) called her..except for one. How lonely she was, and emotional because Christmas means family and she always had someone missing (me? her other son she gave away? her oldest who is estranged from the family? not sure)....
Felt bad for her..felt bad for me...we hung up..and that's that.
Called bio father had a 10 second conversation...he seemed busy with his family, you know the real one..so we promised to call again later..like when he has time for me..you know his daughter during convenient times..and while he is alone.
Ah, the joys of the holiday. Makes me want to just go somewhere and drink the pain away..sadly I don't drink..sometimes I wish I did.