like a broken record

Why does it feel like I go around and around and never get anywhere?
These reunions suck. I search for people and then get a huge let down.
Mother, father, siblings..and even my adopted brother.
I think its me. I expect to much. I expect the impossible.
Then I realize that I am dong all the searching and no one has bothered to search for me. They seem excited when I find them, but then never lift a finger to build a relationship.
Days go by with no contact. If I don't contact, they don't contact. What am I supposed to think about this?
Forget about it and move on? Work hard to do the work of everyone involved in these reunions? When is it going to be enough? When will I require others to work with me?
Nights of tears, days of driving around and around crying and not being able to stop.
Not being able to stop crying and not being able to stop driving because I can't stop crying long enough to get to my destination. *sigh*
Gotta harden my heart again,I guess.

trust

or lack there of. early this morning I was thinking of my brother and wondering why?
Or rather, when. When should I trust him? When will he show me what he really wants.
I am in a bad position. Finding him, visiting him, calling him...why always me. I search for everyone. Does no one want to know me? Then I sit, wondering if I am pushing myself on him.
I am going to wait. If he makes an attempt to call me or work on this relationship I will try..but I am so scared that he will just send me away again.
When can I trust him with my heart?

Trip

Well...more adoptee things. More what the heck feelings...more "Why did I have to born into this" Things that should be good are NOT.
Example numero uno. I visited my adopted sisters grave site. Sad..but got to pay my respects. Spent the day with Johnny...good but...not sure if I pushed to fast.
Example Numero dos...Did genealogy and submitted names to the temple..got my adopted mother and her hubby and us kids..(all adopted)
Been working on my bio genealogy..so the problem. Where do I get sealed? What family do I belong to? Sigh!! friends says do both and see what happens. Where do you WANT to be sealed. Well with my family. Should be easy but its not.
Example numero Tres....my bio paternal sister (who shares my exact name) texted me. Cool beans. She was very upset about the whole...I have a sister and my dad had an affair thing. who could blame her. So we texted and she told me she is not ready for phone conversations. So...I am going slow with her...except...I want to go fast. Its been two years. Yikes.
Well, I sit...not daring to call my brother, or text my sister or do anything because I push to fast.
I totally scared off my adopted sisters son by sending him the genealogy I did for her family. I thought he would love it...but my friend thinks I might have overstepped my boundaries.
What boundaries..Can't have anything to do with adopted family but I have to restrain myself with my biofamily.
The life of an adoptee!!!!