can't stop

I just can't stop starting at the pictures my brother sent me. I started shaking because I was trying so hard not to start crying.
Sadly, I never got a chance to get pictures of my mother because she died while I was still young and no one would have considered maybe saving some for me.
After seeing Johnny again after so many years I asked him for some and he just emailed me these.
The thing that bothers me, or makes me feel a little overwhelmed is that Johnny was my brother, but he was so much older than I that I called him Daddy.
I remember calling him daddy. Even though I didn't see him for years and years, I still remember that.
I asked him to verify it and he said yes.
So he was my daddy!!!! But really he was my brother...but really we share no DNA!
I missed him and my mana lily. (my sister Olivia) I still feel so bad that I found her to late. She died months before I found her.
I tried so hard to look for her...I tried for years..and when I finally found her she was gone.
I miss her so much.
It sucks that I moved around so much and lost track of them and they of me...
It sucks that I was so angry with the whole adopted family that after I turned 18 I pretty much was asked to hit the road, and I hit it with both feet at a run. God, I sometimes wish I could forget those years, but not the years I spent with my mother!! never those years.